Revealing Grace

Every day we make choices. And the hope is that we make the right choices, that we choose the good outfit and we fill our time wisely, that we treat other people with love and we never say the wrong thing. And as much as I tell myself that I do make the right choices and as much as my mother swears to me that I am perfect, the truth of the matter is, in the last month especially, I have not succeeded. It seems that in the last few days I have been given a continual wake-up call that I have in fact, been oblivious to my true actions and their consequences. For the past month I have been different than what I would say is my normal self. I thought I was fine, being myself, being emotional when appropriate, angry when called for, and doing what needed to be done. In my mind my summer had been hard therefore I was entitled to some time to process and recover, to be alone and be upset. But what I was really doing was being selfish and isolating myself from those who have cared about me thr...

Emotions run high and low on this blog, probably because when I don't have strong emotions posts are boring. Therefore you guys only get the best and the worst of my daily life. Interesting for you I hope! Today is a post of joy. School has started.  It is the day many young people dread and the day I look forward to with giddy anticipation. By the time my class started last night I had been up for over twelve hours and had worked for 10.5 of them, but as soon as I got home and threw on my backpack I was totally pumped. Obviously this could make me a total nerd but I prefer the term "lover of learning".... which actually makes me sound even nerdier. Anyways, here is why I love the fact that school has started: 1. The weather is finally turning California cool. Today I read on the grass under a tree and it was perfect and Anne-of-Green-Gables-like. There was a pesky ant and crazy squirrels but in this moment of positivity I am pretending they were not there. 2. New fr...

I love this picture. I was in Southern India, seeing some sights, and I wanted my photo taken with the amazing background I was surrounded with. The aim was to look gorgeous, well put together, and world-traveler-esque in my Indian outfit on this foreign land. Well, the wind got the better of me and right as the picture was snapped my long shirt flew up, revealing my pale stomach and my three-sizes-too-big pants. In the moment I had no idea what to do as I assumed this was most inappropriate yet also had no way to stop the crazy winds. When I looked back at the picture I simply laughed, realizing that this was probably the one that most captured the essence of my trip. Though I was trying my best to fit in and do the right things I was still being blown about by the wind and in the end I had to realize that sometimes things don't turn out as planned. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow and realize you really have no idea what you are doing.  I just put this pictur...

Let's face it. For the last few days I have been a grump. I have eaten copious amounts of chocolate, spent an entire day sleeping and watching movies, and been rather snappy (not in the good way). I might blame it on the amount of perkiness and pretend joy that the producers of Let's Make a Deal made me have last Friday, but in truth it was a bit more than that (read my last post). So I want all of my readers to know that I have officially found the cure to grumpiness and a slew of bad days: Soccer practice.  Now before you all begin to worry that I really have gone wacky I will assure you that I of course did not attend soccer practice because I joined  a soccer team. We obviously all know that sports are not in my repertoire of fabulous qualities. I was actually attending the soccer practice of a 2nd grader. (Yes, be jealous of my life).  Tonight I was babysitting for one of my favorite families and I got to meet him and his six year old sister at soccer p...

Everyday we wake up and we have no idea what the day will bring. There is always the potential for amazing joys and gladness, which is our hope, but some days also have some sadness. Today is one of those days. I rejoice because I just came home from a bonfire on Huntington Beach. Talk about the good life. Around 45 Fuller students were there as we soaked up some sun, ate dinner together, and cooked s'mores on a beach bonfire. It was like an episode of the OC except we all love Jesus and weren't dressed so fancy. It was an amazing time of community and simply refreshing to be by the open water and the cool breeze. But my heart is so sad. It is like I can't shake it. I don't want to forget about the reservation, but every day my heart aches for my students there and I can't focus on anything else. I get a call at 4am or a facebook post and I immediately go into worry mode, wondering if my kids are ok, if they are getting into trouble, if they are on the right path...

The clock next to my bed is an old-fashioned looking one that makes that *tick tick* noise as the seconds pass. Yesterday I looked at the clock and realized that the second hand was actually shivering between two points with each sound, so the ticking meant nothing.  Maybe this is why time seems to be moving so slowly these days.  Maybe the clock wasn't ticking away time after all. 

Ahh, early September. The beginning of the school year, going back to work, the daily grind, hours and hours and hours of free time...wait, is that last one only me? I know you are starting to hate me right now but honestly the amount of free time I have currently is ridiculous. I have organized our freezer, painted and repainted my nails, rearranged all the furniture in my room, and read three books....free time is starting to wear on me. But don't worry, I won't complain. Since I know as soon as the quarter starts I will be inundated with paper writing and schoolwork (despite popular belief at Fuller that I can write papers in roadrunner-like speed) I thought I should try and make the most of my free time in LA, while on a strict(ish) budget. So here are a few pictures of where my LA adventures have taken me in the last two weeks. Maybe if you mix up some homemade salt water and put on the sound of seagulls you can pretend you are adventuring with me. Manhattan Beach ...

I recently had my debrief for my time at the reservation. Sometimes things like a debrief can seem silly but after 25 minutes of conversation I felt like I finally took the first deep breath of air that I have had since I came home. As we recapped I was teary-eyed, thinking of my teenagers and their potential and struggles. This experience was so heavy and it still weighs on me, but not in a bad way. It is simply that I will never be who I was before my summer on the reservation. I will never see the world in the same way and I will never process the happenings of my life the same.  When asked, I realized that my biggest encouragement on the reservation was that I was able to build relationships with some of the teenage girls. These girls are so closed off and quite a few of them started off hating my guts. Yet the fact that by the end they would pull me aside and talk to me about the things they did not know how to deal with was the power of Christ. I could never have built ...