Revealing Grace

Let’s talk about sacrifices. When I committed my life to God’s purpose and mission I committed to sacrifice. I knew this meant that I might be called to give up having nice things, being near family, etc. but I was fine with that. Then God sent me to Pasadena. And I was kind of frustrated at first because here I was willing to give up everything, but instead He sent me to California to live in a nice studio apartment. So I complained, “really, God? Why not me? Why not let me give it all up?” And He was all like, “Just hold your horses.” So I did.  And I got comfortable. I enjoyed having Trader Joes and all the clothing stores at my fingertips. Sure, I never went shopping because graduate school sucks up all your extra cash, but it was there if I needed it. And even though I began to lose the disillusioned thoughts that I might get married anytime soon, I got comfortable with the fact that there was still a possibility, however so slight, as long as I was living in a ...

Let's be honest. Driving to Pinetop, Arizona last week, I kinda freaked out. One minute I was in Pasadena, with the world at my fingertips, and ten not-so-short hours later I was in rural Arizona passing Wal-Mart and the Boot Barn . Granted, it had been a long day, after a long week, and a long quarter, but it was just all a little too much to take in at one time. What had once been abstract was now real and unavoidable. As I moved my things into my cabin in the woods I realized that the future was here, and it included lots of trees and not a lot of city. I got worried. And not just because I am afraid of being in the woods in the dark.  My anxiety began to rise and I began to question these important decisions I had already made. Was this really  what I wanted to do? Did I really want to live in the woods in small town Arizona? The answer was honestly, at that point, a "no, not really." When I was alone in my new place waiting for my roommates to get home I h...

Oh golly ya'll. These past two weeks have been crazy. I feel like I blinked and 2 weeks were gone. There have been some important adult-life progressions in the past 14 days, of which I will now enlighten you. First, I "got" a Masters degree. I use "" because I technically have to take 3 summer classes, so even though I walked and got celebrated and wore the cool hood and hat, I won't have my real Masters degree until September. But shhhh, let's all pretend I'm done. Second, I drove a pick-up truck to Arizona! This is important because: 1. I drove a truck 2. I moved my stuff to AZ!! We can leave out the parts where my brother actually drove most of the way and where I backed into a mailbox and left a huge dent in the rental truck, and simply be proud of my grown-up moving skills, right? Moving was everything from fun to not fun and stressful to...not stressful. It was a little bit of a shock to drive into Pinetop, AZ and realize that I wa...

My mom used to be a guidance counselor in an elementary school. Her little office was filled with inspirational posters that I suppose were there to make you feel better and more confident about life. One of the sayings that I remember being among her favorites was “Character is who you are when no one is looking.”  Living alone I guess I get to see a lot of my character.  It turns out that my character involves leaving a lot of messes and singing a lot of songs at the top of my lungs while producing awesome dance moves no one will ever get to see. Sometimes I find myself sitting at the bottom of my stairs in my studio loft with a bowl of cereal, because naturally all the chairs are filled with clean laundry, books, and other things I don’t care to move when all I want is a bowl of cereal. And I find myself sitting there as the minutes pass, staring at the wall, thinking. I think of life and love, my future and my past. I revisit old wounds and old joys, and some...

This is basically the last post I will ever write that begins with "It's finals week at Fuller....again." I am of course, as always, inundated with papers, that as always, I end up finding joy in writing. So for now I will leave you with this lovely photo that describes, almost perfectly, my future. I'm coming AYM, I'm coming! Proof that last week my AYM team and some of our students came to Los Angeles, enabling me to put off my schoolwork and hang out with these lovelies instead. Also, proof that I am really white. I would say my future looks pretty fun! 

I think its safe to say that if there was a list of ideal candidates for missions, my name would not be on it. 2 years ago I came back from India, and upon reflection asked God to please not send me as a missionary to any place where my hair did not do well. It was a serious request. As a teenager, I was less concerned about my hair and more concerned about why God let bugs on Noah’s ark in the first place. I was the kid who changed my pillowcase if an ant came within 2 inches of it, who refused to speak to my dad for 24 hours because he wouldn’t get up and kill the spider I found, and who to this day still sometimes goes to bed uttering the prayer, “Dear God, please don’t let any bugs crawl on me tonight.”   In fact, just yesterday I almost had a heart attack when a spider came down right in front of my face while I was driving. I spent the next half hour in Trader Joes compulsively checking to see if it was on me while my whole body shook like I had just endured ...

I lost my car key. It is simply gone. Kapoot. Outta here. No idea. And its not gone in the “silly, you, its in the couch” kind of gone because my apartment is small, like uber small, and its not here. And I just want to add this to the fact that I move my stuff to Arizona in less than 20 days, return to live in an expensive bare apartment, then move in with friends, then drive back to Arizona to fly out to Georgia to move in with my parents, until I have raised $3,600 of monthly support, and can move back out to Arizona.  Without a car key.  Oh my life.  In addition to my car key fiasco, I am feeling these days as if my limbs have all been stretched in different directions. I’ve got one foot in Georgia, with my college friends, my family, my church, my life. And I’ve got another foot in Arizona, with my AYM team and my Apache students. Add to that an arm in Pasadena and another arm being tugged between Virginia, Chicago, Kansas and anywhere else I’ve ever ...