Revealing Grace

Apparently 2014 is the year of “Make Meredith outdoorsy.”  In general, I love this year’s theme. It is just in the middle of the outdoorsy parts that I sometimes despise it.  So in line with this goal, my team and I recently took 11 of our students on an “easy hike” to Blue Lake. I should have known that even on an easy hike Seth (my teammate) would find a way to make it more adventurous. It is an awesome (and terrifying) ability that he has. So after crawling under barbed wire, realizing we were going the wrong way, and climbing back through the barbed wire, we came upon an expanse of sharp rocks and this became our path.  wooohoooo... (Insert cranky out-of-shape Meredith noises here). As all of my Apache students and teammates bounded across the rocks like they were spider monkeys, I. . .did not. I struggled rock-by-rock, wanting to smack the person that chose that path. “I’m just not actually very athletic. I don’t climb rocks,” I exclaimed to t...

Ok guys, I'm going to be vulnerable. I don't want to, but I'm going to do it. Brace yourselves. Last week I cried. A lot. And I actually forgot about it until yesterday, which is weird because I seriously have not cried that much in a long time. One minute I was talking with my roommate/teammate Tiffany and the next I was bawling, my whole body trembling with the emotion that was exploding out of me.  I was as surprised as she was. What I think threw me over the proverbial edge was a dream that one of my students had recently described to me. It was the scariest thing I have ever heard, complete with oppressive demons and the devil himself stealing her away. She cried, I cried, we all cried. And then we prayed. I don't know what it was about that specific dream but it was the icing on the cake (I guess) to all that I have learned and heard of since being here. You can say it becomes your every day when working in a painful context, but there is a loss of innoc...

Sometimes I get frustrated with worship music. I love listening to worship music and being encouraged by the messages within, but ever since I started working in a place with widespread hardship and suffering I have become increasingly frustrated with the music I once sang without even thinking. For example, the song "Oceans" has been of great encouragement to me since working on the Apache reservation. It calms my soul and puts peace in my heart. But I catch myself wondering if those who wrote these songs have ever actually been in the midst of these turbulent oceans. No one in their right mind would ever ask  to be led to deep waters if they really understood how easy it is to drown there. The song states, "Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, and my faith will be made stronger, in the presence of my Savior." Yes, I agree! Hallelujah! That of course is the hope and the desire, but I have found that it isn't that easy. In these deep waters ther...

I never thought that this would be my life. In fact, I'm not sure that I even knew these kinds of things existed. The "battle" was a metaphor. Now it is my everyday. I'm reading a book about war and it is a fitting analogy for what goes on between God and evil in this world. Never in my life have I truly understood the weight of the battle as I do now. The death, the pain, the frustration. Living spiritual death. . . it is just as hard to watch as physical death. Never have I realized the seriousness of our task as Christians, the literal lives that are on the line as we fight for them to know and believe in a God of love, amidst the pain. I've never known an intensity so deep.  And the pain, oh goodness, the pain. We only see the smallest portion. There is so much more, so deep inside, so embedded in them. I wish I had a magic wand that could make it all disappear, that could turn them into Cinderella at the ball, without problems or memories of what was...

I took a nap instead of writing this earlier. Then I missed the first hour of the Golden Globes because of said nap. Life is cruel. (just kidding) Today I presented (along with some of my fabulous students) at a local supporting church. It was super cool to present on our work with Apache Youth Ministries IN FRONT of my students, since normally I can say whatever I want without them in the audience. :) But it really was awesome to make sure that I was respecting them and their community with what I said, as well as letting them know how much we love and care for them. It was basically the best day ever. Our kids are the bestest. And the nicest. And the funniest. Don't you wish you could work with me? Here is what I shared with the church, that I can now share with you: We have all moved to this area in the last few years from all over the US because we believe that God wants to do a mighty work among Native American teenagers. For many, when they look at the reservation s...

While spending a quiet few days in Pasadena, California two wise friends asked me if there was a theme they could be praying for this year, in terms of my ministry and my needs. It was such a seriously good question that I was taken aback a little bit. How do they even come up with this awesomeness?? But they hooked me in and I love the idea of a prayer theme. So after a little bit of thinking I gave into the word that kept floating into my head: Peace.  Peace, in all its definitions, means freedom . "Freedom from disturbance" "quiet and tranquility" "mental calm, serenity." Freedom... I love it. As I consider the needs I work within I invite you all to join me and my fabulous two friends as we pray for peace in the White Mountains. Here are some handy-dandy bullet-point prayers for your convenience: 1. Peace for my soul : Working in a high-risk environment can wear on a person. I need prayer for peace in my relationship with God and my understa...

On New Year's Eve I was in the grocery store waiting my turn in line, when the man in front of me turned around and asked for 20 cents. He looked slightly unkempt but his eyes were kind. His purchase was simple, a loaf of white bread and some Kroger brand turkey. As I looked up at him he began to explain. "Its just that this is going to be $3.79 and I only have $3.60." He squirmed slightly as he waited for my reply. "Of course!" I replied as I pulled out my wallet. "Here. I have a quarter. Will that be enough?" He looked grateful and relief flooded his face as he replied, "Yes of course. Thank you so much. Thank you!" As his turn in line arrived he made his purchase with three crumpled dollar bills and spare change. Before he left, the cashier handed him back a few cents. To my surprise, the man turned back around to me, this time with his hand outstretched to return to me the extra.  "No no, you keep it." I stated. ...