Revealing Grace

Lately I have been talking a lot. And balancing balloons on my nose. And jumping up and down. And eating jellybeans. And no, this was not at our youth center. This was at my house. All this goes back to what my good friend Eleanor once told a new friend of ours when I asked her what 2 things he needed to know about me.  She said: 1. I am risk averse. (this one does not apply here) 2. Sometimes I can go a little crazy. (this one does) Call it the sugar, call it the extroversion. . .both probably play a good part in it (because I mean, really, we shouldn't leave a bowl of jellybeans in our house. It can be 8am or 8pm and I am always going to walk by it and go "oooh!! Jellybeans!" and then my tongue will turn permanently starburst red). But I have concluded that above all that, I've been going a little nuts lately because. . .wait for it. . . I am happy.  Wow. Deep, right? But seriously. These past 7 months have been all ups and downs, culminating in...

I think that there are two different views of God. The first goes like this: There we are, a baby abandoned in a field with nothing. And God comes along and picks us up and says, "Hey, I am going to take care of you. But in return you must do what I say. You must never mess up, because if you do, I will throw you right back where I got you. I am giving you a lot, so don't even think about asking for anything, especially if you haven't been following my rules. So obey, or go back to that lonely field you came from, because I am giving you everything." So we try to obey out of fear. The second goes like this: There we are, a baby abandoned in a field with nothing. And along comes God and He picks us up. And He says, "You are now my child. Forever I will claim you as my own, and I will give you the finest things, and I will treat you like a child of the King. And I will love you no matter what, because though you were "worthless" in the eyes of ...

I'm going to be honest with you about some things. (I mean, I really am always honest with you guys, so maybe that statement is more for myself than for you).  A little while ago, like 2 weeks ago, I really didn't like God. It was really a sneaky little devil because I didn't even realize how much my heart had been hardening towards Him over the last couple of months. Layers of cement had been slapped onto my beating heart until I couldn't even feel the God that I have always loved so much. I'm telling you, it got bad, and I didn't even realize it until I was sitting at a bbq joint with two of my teammates.  In the midst of my own processing, I began to ask Seth how he handled having a right view of God after working on the rez for so long, especially since he is a preacher and therefore accountable for his view of God. I explained how I didn’t want to become bitter and jaded, but that I couldn’t really figure out God in all of this.  "I...

As I waited out the last few hours of my 24th year, I began to contemplate my life. I’ve lived for 25 years . A quarter of a century ago I entered this world and began my life. It doesn’t seem like its been that long, since I was a little girl. Part of me wishes I could watch it go by, in a picture slideshow, just to remember. Putting all the pieces together of who I am now and how I got here. So many things have shaped my life. My parents and their love for fun and adventure. My brother, my sister, the conflict and the childhood games. The friends, the moves, the heartbreaks, the trips. Everything, every moment of the last 25 years has shaped the woman that I am now. Faces run through my head. People whose words have lasted for so long in my mind. Teachers, coaches, childhood friends.  For me, these 25 years have been full. I’ve moved to England, moved back to America. I’ve grown up in Virginia, then an unexpected turn into Georgia. I’ve turned 20 in Spain, built a house i...

Lately I've been feeling a little wonky, like in the midst of my work and my mission and my life, I lost who I was. To be honest, I sat back earlier this week and barely recognized myself. My brain has been feeling all jumbled, like too much is in it and nothing can find its place. And the challenges of transitioning into this new life have seem to all come together, leaving me feeling isolated and disoriented. My view of God has also been wildly challenged, and I am still trying to figure that one out. And I haven't been able to find the root of it all. Perhaps it is compassion fatigue, perhaps it is trying to sort out all the hard things that surround me, perhaps it is something else entirely. All I know is that I haven't been feeling all that great, all that present, or all that useful.  And then today happened.  Today, the lovely and amazing people of Northridge Christian Church came down to spend some time with me in Whiteriver. This is one of my suppo...