Revealing Grace

It comes as a tightening in my chest. A few seconds later I find it hard to breathe and I know, I know that the stress is back. My friend said I'm trying to steer my boat against the wind. I'm pushing and pushing against the direction my life is going in, determined not to give in, instead of giving the wheel to the One who is supposed to be steering.  All I have to do is let go and the boat will sail smoothly, but I resist. I resist because I don't understand. The whole clarity thing isn't a gift God is giving me right now. And that's ok, I just have to be ok with it, which is harder than it sounds. It isn't like I have anything to complain about, which makes me feel bad about sometimes feeling bad. God has been faithful to provide, in so many ways, and I cannot deny His faithfulness. What catches me is that I don't get where He is going with all this. I don't understand what He is doing with me, my life, my future, my influence. Just a little glance...

Today I found myself sitting on a hay bale in the middle of an 80-acre farm in Georgia. It was quite the opposite of the go-go-go on a usual Saturday in Arizona and I breathed in the quiet with joy. I'm in this part of Georgia for a quick 3 day trip to speak at a church about AYM and I am relishing in the space to think and the quiet that enables me to pray in a way I haven't quite found time for in the midst of my excuses.  It was the topic of prayer that came up last night as I was retelling stories of my solo trip to India to my host . I exclaimed that I wasn't quite sure why I went, since I would never hop on a plane alone and go to India now. My host replied that it seemed for whatever reason to have been in God's plan for me to go.  As I considered this I began to recall the lessons I learned in faith while alone in India. One of the key things I remember was how close I was to God in those 5 weeks. I was alone, but He was with me. Every thought was ...