Revealing Grace

Things can be hard, ya'll. I wish I could say that 7 months after my husband left and 1 exact month of being for real divorced, I am a fully functioning, emotionally stable being who is over it because God is still good and blah blah blah. But that wouldn't be true. I will admit that I'm doing a decent job at being a functioning human being. A majority of people who have met me in the last few months have no clue that my life was stomped all over with a boot covered in dog poo. And certainly, I will be the first to tell you that God is still good. But this sort of hurt, the stuff I have been through- it doesn't just go away.  And that sucks. It sucks because there are no quick fixes or magic potions. There is no amount of will power that can keep me from going ice cold at the thought of running into him one day. There is currently not enough truth in my head to keep me from doubting myself. In this unknown territory, on this road I never thought I would have to...

Ahh 2018. The sound of a new year. The sound of new opportunities. The sound of trying to figure out how dating has drastically changed since I was last looking for a potential person to date. The world is not like it was in college, my friends. They say that kind, single men in their thirties exist. But I don't believe them. So I decide to see what the fuss is all about. After all, there are plenty of online dating success stories. It worked in You've Got Mail . So why not try to find my own Tom Hanks in a chat room? With the click of a few buttons (and a lot of google searches to figure out how it worked) I created a profile on a dating app. I must say, it was weird. First of all, its so judgey! You get six pictures and a few words to not sound awkward, not accidentally make any sexual innuendos, and convince someone that based on photos and the wit of your profile, they should give you a chance. And the guys. The catalogue of guys. Oh man. Most of them lost thei...

Today I went to Target for the first time in ages and I bought a new doormat. I almost bought the doormat I had at my house in Arizona- a cute brown and black one. But at the last minute I switched it out for a new one, full of color. Sure, it was just a doormat, but for me it was also a moment of switching out the old for something that was fully me and mine, instead of holding on to what was. On the way home my friends Tiffany and Jeff called. It was an absolutely encouraging and strengthening conversation as we talked through what God is doing in our lives. I spoke of how deeply I feel joy now. Having been so entrenched in the darkness I now find joy so much more precious. I rejoice deeply in the joys of my friends and the joyful moments in my own life. I know how bad life can be, how despairing and hopeless, and so I seek to be grateful for every good thing now. The joy of my friends and the world around me is the most precious of gifts. Joy moves me and I hold tight to its b...