Baking a Post-Divorce Pie
I've started baking again.
On the surface that statement seems meaningless, but to me it holds weight and resolve. It is symbolic of restoration. Who knew a pie could be so existential?
I've always loved baking, since I was young. When I moved to Arizona I started really cooking too- homemade sauces and meals- and I learned to love that as well. But baking has always bought me joy.
After my husband left I stopped baking. I didn't see the point. I didn't have anyone to bake for and I had lost a lot of my joy. The effort seemed pointless. I could barely lift myself out of bed, why would I bake a pie?
I can remember the first time I made a meal in that year of sadness. It seemed like a great feat, an accomplishment, a marker of my resolve to not just exist but live. I remember it being difficult. Not in a physical way, but as if I was climbing some wall in my mind and the task exhausted me. Making a pot of chili was equal to running a marathon.
Yet, I could not make myself bake. Pie and despair didn't seem to go together.
Then I moved to Texas.
Texas has been new air, new horizons, new life. Atlanta was a holding ground. It was a year of healing, of resting, of waiting. Texas has been my new beginning. I've unpacked the boxes and decorated the apartment. I began a job that I knew was a great gift. And in the midst of it, I dusted off my pans and I made a loaf of banana bread. Today, I made a miniature coconut custard pie.
As I set my pie on the counter to cool, I felt joy. Its perfectly browned crust, its soft custard- it was delicious. And it had not felt like a feat. It was second nature, simple and fun.
You see? I've started baking again. And isn't that really symbolic of everything?
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A recipe for coconut custard pie:
2 cups milk
1 cup sugar
4 eggs
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
6 tablespoons butter
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup shredded unsweetened coconut
Mix all ingredients except the coconut in a blender. Add the coconut and blend for 10 seconds. Pour into a greased 9-inch pie plate. (Batter will make its own crust). Bake at 350 degrees for 50-55 minutes or until a knife comes out clean.
To make for one, half the ingredients and use a ramekin or small baking dish. Feel zero guilt about consuming the half pie!
On the surface that statement seems meaningless, but to me it holds weight and resolve. It is symbolic of restoration. Who knew a pie could be so existential?
I've always loved baking, since I was young. When I moved to Arizona I started really cooking too- homemade sauces and meals- and I learned to love that as well. But baking has always bought me joy.
After my husband left I stopped baking. I didn't see the point. I didn't have anyone to bake for and I had lost a lot of my joy. The effort seemed pointless. I could barely lift myself out of bed, why would I bake a pie?
I can remember the first time I made a meal in that year of sadness. It seemed like a great feat, an accomplishment, a marker of my resolve to not just exist but live. I remember it being difficult. Not in a physical way, but as if I was climbing some wall in my mind and the task exhausted me. Making a pot of chili was equal to running a marathon.
Yet, I could not make myself bake. Pie and despair didn't seem to go together.
Then I moved to Texas.
Texas has been new air, new horizons, new life. Atlanta was a holding ground. It was a year of healing, of resting, of waiting. Texas has been my new beginning. I've unpacked the boxes and decorated the apartment. I began a job that I knew was a great gift. And in the midst of it, I dusted off my pans and I made a loaf of banana bread. Today, I made a miniature coconut custard pie.
As I set my pie on the counter to cool, I felt joy. Its perfectly browned crust, its soft custard- it was delicious. And it had not felt like a feat. It was second nature, simple and fun.
You see? I've started baking again. And isn't that really symbolic of everything?
_________________________________________________________________________________
A recipe for coconut custard pie:
2 cups milk
1 cup sugar
4 eggs
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
6 tablespoons butter
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup shredded unsweetened coconut
Mix all ingredients except the coconut in a blender. Add the coconut and blend for 10 seconds. Pour into a greased 9-inch pie plate. (Batter will make its own crust). Bake at 350 degrees for 50-55 minutes or until a knife comes out clean.
To make for one, half the ingredients and use a ramekin or small baking dish. Feel zero guilt about consuming the half pie!
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