What I learned on the Ellen Show.

1. When using the bathroom do not compliment the other person washing their hands on their outfit and its fabulous colors. Perhaps because of the show we are going to she will look at you weirdly and most likely think you are hitting on her.

2. Do not then tell your friends and fellow Ellen Show goers about said encounter. They will proceed to stare at the lady in the colorful outfit and she will become sure that you love her.

3. While waiting to be let in the studio do not stick your finger in the holes of the bench. While your friends are talking about weddings your finger will be seriously stuck due to your rather large knuckles. You will frantically try to pull at it, wondering why you act like a 4 year old child, and have a brief moment of panic.

4. If you happen to get your finger stuck, finally pull it loose, and then look up, you will most likely find the tourist on the other bench staring at you. She will kindly say something generic about "hating when that happens" and you will laugh awkwardly. You will then pretend to look interested in something else instead of looking absolutely mortified that you are dumb enough to get your finger stuck in a bench.

5. Bring snacks.

6. When let into the studio be prepared for some terrible dancers. You will begin to contemplate why everyone dances like strippers and why no one ever told some of the older ladies not to dance like that.

7. There will be a gem that is the older black lady in the glittery outfit who does a mad robot. Watch her for an entire commercial break. Shun all other participants in the dance competition.

8. You will eventually realize that you are tired from all the standing, sitting, and dancing and also realize that you don't have to follow the rules. Proceed to sit instead of stand during commercial breaks and defiantly refuse to cheer for stupid dancers.

9. In the end you will realize that Ellen is nice, people are dumb, underwear models are attractive, and you have amazing friends who will take you to the Ellen show. End the evening by eating Thai food at a restaurant that is literally in someone's house and wa-la! A recipe for a successful day. 

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