Tuesday, July 25, 2017

My Current Thoughts on Hard Times

Here is the thing about pain: It's shitty.

There is no going about it and making it seem ok. It isn't. Pain and hurt and fear are unfortunately real parts of this world and they are hard to escape. I'm not pleased about my hard times right now, I am not "making the best of things" and I am processing daily what has happened. But here is what I know so far:

I get it. To the person who has cuts on their arms, I get it. To the person who thinks the only way out of the pain is death, I hear you. To the person who cannot get out of bed because it is too painful to face the day, I understand. When grief produces nausea so intense that you cannot eat for days even if you wanted to, I know what that is like. I feel you, I hear you, but there are so many reasons not to give up. For all of the bad there is so much good. For all of the sad moments, there are also beautiful ones. I may not have cuts or scars but I know how you feel.

Grief comes for all sorts of reasons and none of them are silly or unreasonable. Grief is weird, seriously, it is so weird. It makes no sense and it makes people do funny things. And as much as I hate this season I am in, I am grateful to understand pain. I am grateful to be able to pass on the knowledge I have and the comforts that have helped me because I know how it feels.

And goodness there is so much hope, guys. I'm in the midst of such a hard time, but I know that the pain (though it will always be a part of me) will not be like this forever. The key, I have found, is in finding your tribe. 

Whatever your sadness is, for whatever reason that your heart is breaking, you must find your tribe. I know losing someone important, even if you are just dating, can make you feel like you have been ripped in two. I know. And for some reason we want to retreat and not see anyone. But the only way to get through is to cling to those who love you.

And oh my, you are not alone. People will come out of the woodworks. Cling to the people that won't judge you when you send them texts that you don't think about first and that make you sound crazy. Cling to those who acknowledge your grief but also help you to find the steps forward. Breathe in the advice, the words, the notes of encouragement because that is who you are. You are not defined by what has happened to you. You are loved and cherished, even if someone has caused you sadness.

Cling to your tribe and you know what else? Believe what they say. Let them tell you the truths about yourself. Let them care for you, grieve with you, and see you at your worst. Your people are the ones who love you unconditionally. Let them hold you up.

Grief is the shittiest (not sure if that is a word but I like it). Pain sucks and I am so sorry that anyone else out there has felt loss or grief or just been stuck in hard times. It is not a good place to be. But I know that one day it will be ok again. I know that one day I will praise God for how He held my hand in the valley of the shadow of death. And I know that I will see His goodness in all of this.

There is hope and to anyone hurting, I hear you. 

*Thank you guys for being my tribe. I have felt so loved and it has made all the difference in this difficult season. 


  1. Awesome read! Thank you for sharing :) We miss you and are praying for you :)

  2. Quotes 4 life-"You are not defined by what has happened to you"

  3. Understanding that you are not what happened to you is HUGE! You get to define your pain, but it does not define you. You are loved. And so you know, you are someone my own dear young ladies look up to and admire, and we encourage that. Life holds so much amazing beauty for you, I know it. God’s promise.

  4. I love you so much and am so thankful to be apart of your tribe. You bring me closer to God, even in you grief!

  5. Todo va a estar bien y estamos contigo amiga. Un abrazo!

  6. Let God and us carry you.
    Footprints In The Sand

    Footsteps in the Sand
    One night a man had a dream. He dreamed
    he was walking along the beach with the LORD.

    Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
    For each scene he noticed two sets of
    footprints in the sand: one belonging
    to him, and the other to the LORD.

    When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
    he looked back at the footprints in the sand.

    He noticed that many times along the path of
    his life there was only one set of footprints.

    He also noticed that it happened at the very
    lowest and saddest times in his life.

    This really bothered him and he
    questioned the LORD about it:

    "LORD, you said that once I decided to follow
    you, you'd walk with me all the way.
    But I have noticed that during the most
    troublesome times in my life,
    there is only one set of footprints.
    I don't understand why when
    I needed you most you would leave me."

    The LORD replied:

    "My son, my precious child,
    I love you and I would never leave you.
    During your times of trial and suffering,
    when you see only one set of footprints,
    it was then that I carried you."

    Author: Carolyn Joyce Carty