Tuesday, January 14, 2014

A War Worth Fighting

I never thought that this would be my life.

In fact, I'm not sure that I even knew these kinds of things existed. The "battle" was a metaphor. Now it is my everyday. I'm reading a book about war and it is a fitting analogy for what goes on between God and evil in this world. Never in my life have I truly understood the weight of the battle as I do now. The death, the pain, the frustration. Living spiritual death. . . it is just as hard to watch as physical death.
Never have I realized the seriousness of our task as Christians, the literal lives that are on the line as we fight for them to know and believe in a God of love, amidst the pain.

I've never known an intensity so deep. 

And the pain, oh goodness, the pain. We only see the smallest portion. There is so much more, so deep inside, so embedded in them. I wish I had a magic wand that could make it all disappear, that could turn them into Cinderella at the ball, without problems or memories of what was before. I wish I could fix it all, but I can't.

I've never been so angry at the devil. I've never seen him work this hard. he must be exhausted. We must be putting up a good fight. But I fight the lie that this is my fault. The lie that if we weren't here, causing a fuss over these kids and pushing them to know the Truth, then maybe they wouldn't be getting hit so hard. Maybe demons wouldn't be visiting them in their sleep. And in the midst of the lies and the Truth I cry out, why not hit me harder? For I would rather be hit harder than the devil hit our kids. I have the tools, the Truth, the faith. They are fighting with nothing. I hate the devil. I hate him and his evil ways. I'm glad God defeats him.

It is hard to watch, this battle, this war. It is hard because I believe that we will win the war, but we keep getting stuck in the battles. I want to cry out to them, "Believe! Please! I know it is hard but you have to believe." But it all takes time, time that I am worried we don't have. I wish an angel would come down to them. I wish just one would have their eyes and heart opened to God and a domino effect would occur.

That is my prayer. Revival. Transformation. Dominos. 

It is a lot to take in, but it is a war that I am privileged to fight in. I will not hold back. I will not shrink away because the going gets tough. I won't stop believing, and praying, and fighting. I won't stop putting myself in front of my kids to take the sword for them. Because I know that God is here. And I know that in His time, He will reveal Himself in a mighty way to these students. I know that the devil is a fool and that he has no control over these kids, in the name of Jesus Christ, all evil is defeated.

So I pick up my helmet and my shield (and an extra pack of tissues) and I link arms with my students, because this is a battle they won't be going into alone. 

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