Poetry to Heal

The other night I was freaking out a bit. There are a lot of transitions going on in my life right now, and though they are all good, I don't do well with change. It is hard for me to move into a new season and let go of the one behind me. So in the middle of the chaos I sat down to write, knowing it was the only thing to soothe me, and these were the words that flowed out:  

I want to shed my skin.
I want to scrape it off, inch by inch,
until nothing is left but muscles 
and bones. 
I want Your water to rush over me
to touch my scorched body 
to bring peace to the 
incomplete. 
I desire Your hands
so caring 
to hold me tight
as I hear Your voice
like the rushing wind
whisper new life. 

I want to be new
to be refreshed
to not live in the past
or fear of the future
but to be here
now
to love here
now. 
I want to be Your 
hands 
Your 
feet 
but instead I give in
to the feeling 
of 
defeat.

The storm crashes around me
as I simultaneously beg it to 
be 
calm
and yet 
fear 
what calm means.
I want to be scraped into dust
so that You and You alone 
can reform me
and maybe this time
I won’t let myself 
disappoint. 

I want to be able to breathe
To breathe in life 
and all that is good.
I want to let myself be happy 
instead of feeling guilty. 
Guilt 
is not from You. 
Fear 
is not of You. 
Pain
is not Your doing. 
I want to give You control
because my body has grown
weary 
from grasping
at that which
evades me. 
I’m tired
so
tired
of trying so hard
instead of giving in
and letting You 
fix
every
thing. 

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