Getting Married. . . Again
Hi. I am getting married. Again.
No one talks about the "again" part so of course I will. I like to address the elephant in the room even though the elephant is imaginary and I am the only one who sees it.
So, what's it like to get married again?
Well, at first I thought everyone would roll their eyes and be like, "ok, sure, whatever. We all know you've done this before." This was totally in my head and not reality, but that's what I thought. In reality, we have been inundated with the most amazing support, kindness, and joy. It has been truly heartwarming.
I also sometimes freak out about normal things because my body has been trained that everything that is happening to prepare for the wedding means danger. My body is like, "woah, we have been here before and it turned out baaaaaaad! Alert! Alert! Alert!" Then I cry, or have anxiety, or just stop being able to function and make decisions. Post-traumatic stress is a bastard.
It is also less pressure in some ways. Maybe more pressure in that I don't want to fail at marriage again. That would be awkward. But less pressure when it comes to the wedding, for sure.
We aren't doing the big modern wedding. We are able to let go of some expectations and make a truly memorable experience. We are going to ride a train, get married in the snow, eat chocolates, and spend time with our families. We are still going to have a big party in Artesia so everyone can join in, but we have found the best of both worlds. I get my intimate ceremony. He gets to celebrate with all of the people who have been with him on this journey to find me.
But most of all, it is highly redemptive. Jeff is the man I have always dreamed of. He is the complete opposite of my last relationship. When my anxiety flares up or I cry unexpectedly, when I react in a way that isn't normal, Jeff never wavers. He sits with me, he helps me see reality, he is compassionate and kind. He never huffs and puffs or asks me why I can't just be better. He takes care of me and reminds of the good that is to come.
Many people stuck in abusive marriages don't get a second chance. I did. I do. I get to spend my life with Jeff and that is the greatest gift I have ever received. God has given Jeff the task of helping me heal from the many traumas of my last few years and I am so pleased Jeff has accepted that call.
Getting married again is a big mix of conflicting feelings as I navigate all of the changes that are about to happen in my life, reconcile my fears, and dive head first in love with the man of my dreams.
It isn't traditional, it isn't typical, but it is beautiful, and it is our story.
Honestly, we wouldn't have it any other way.
P.S. Jeff, I know you are reading this because since we met you have read my blog from beginning to end. Thank you for choosing me and loving me and seeing the goodness in me. Thank you for supporting my writing and letting me share our life and love with everyone. I love you more than anything and I cannot wait to serve God together as husband and wife. Now get back to work. The chickens need heat lamps. ;)
No one talks about the "again" part so of course I will. I like to address the elephant in the room even though the elephant is imaginary and I am the only one who sees it.
So, what's it like to get married again?
Well, at first I thought everyone would roll their eyes and be like, "ok, sure, whatever. We all know you've done this before." This was totally in my head and not reality, but that's what I thought. In reality, we have been inundated with the most amazing support, kindness, and joy. It has been truly heartwarming.
I also sometimes freak out about normal things because my body has been trained that everything that is happening to prepare for the wedding means danger. My body is like, "woah, we have been here before and it turned out baaaaaaad! Alert! Alert! Alert!" Then I cry, or have anxiety, or just stop being able to function and make decisions. Post-traumatic stress is a bastard.
It is also less pressure in some ways. Maybe more pressure in that I don't want to fail at marriage again. That would be awkward. But less pressure when it comes to the wedding, for sure.
We aren't doing the big modern wedding. We are able to let go of some expectations and make a truly memorable experience. We are going to ride a train, get married in the snow, eat chocolates, and spend time with our families. We are still going to have a big party in Artesia so everyone can join in, but we have found the best of both worlds. I get my intimate ceremony. He gets to celebrate with all of the people who have been with him on this journey to find me.
But most of all, it is highly redemptive. Jeff is the man I have always dreamed of. He is the complete opposite of my last relationship. When my anxiety flares up or I cry unexpectedly, when I react in a way that isn't normal, Jeff never wavers. He sits with me, he helps me see reality, he is compassionate and kind. He never huffs and puffs or asks me why I can't just be better. He takes care of me and reminds of the good that is to come.
Many people stuck in abusive marriages don't get a second chance. I did. I do. I get to spend my life with Jeff and that is the greatest gift I have ever received. God has given Jeff the task of helping me heal from the many traumas of my last few years and I am so pleased Jeff has accepted that call.
Getting married again is a big mix of conflicting feelings as I navigate all of the changes that are about to happen in my life, reconcile my fears, and dive head first in love with the man of my dreams.
It isn't traditional, it isn't typical, but it is beautiful, and it is our story.
Honestly, we wouldn't have it any other way.
P.S. Jeff, I know you are reading this because since we met you have read my blog from beginning to end. Thank you for choosing me and loving me and seeing the goodness in me. Thank you for supporting my writing and letting me share our life and love with everyone. I love you more than anything and I cannot wait to serve God together as husband and wife. Now get back to work. The chickens need heat lamps. ;)
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