The Hard and the Constant

People always say that raising a baby is "hard" and I never could quite figure out what that meant. To me, raising a baby is not hard. Washing bottles, changing diapers, and all of the other day-to-day tasks are not hard compared to say, running after-school programs for wild teenagers or trying to drive after your first big dose of chemotherapy. 

"Hard" is not how I would describe raising a baby. 

"Constant" is more the word I would use. It never ends and each day is an often monotonous struggle to get through the boring tasks and the thrown food and the toys all over the ground, while also giving big snuggles and too many kisses and being licked in the face without warning. It is a struggle, but of a different kind than that for which I would normally use the word. It is constant and a little overwhelming and sometimes maddening.

Honestly, sometimes life itself feels both hard and constant. There are days when I feel the constant pressure of trying to get everything done, being out of control of some situations, and trying to control others. Some days I am overwhelmed by the simple act of getting through today and planning for tomorrow. I waver between worrying that things will not work out and declaring with gusto that I am absolutely positive it will all work out. I stir my frustrations into a cup of gratitude and I let those two things mix together as I plod through another day. 

I am so thankful for my life, my baby, my husband, our savings, and all that these things enable us to do and look forward to. I am also stressed about all of these things. Coffee and creamer. Stress and gratitude. They seem to go well together. 

Being a human can feel overwhelming, and yet I also feel the joy of being a living breathing person who can see beauty, hold hardship, feel pain, and rejoice with laughter. It's all a mixed bag and I guess that's ok. 

A shade of hard, with a pinch of constant, and a shimmer of difficulty. . . but with a great big dose of happiness as well. That's life I guess. Maybe we all just need another cup of coffee. 



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