The Feeling of Christmas (and how I pretend my life to be)


Tonight as I left work and walked into the dark a cold drop of water fell on my nose. The air itself was chilly (for California at least) and though I was only wearing a light jacket (and no socks), I let myself believe that it was snow. It made sense for it to be snow, even though I knew that was impossible, because I was looking at Christmas lights and I was scrunched up against a chilly wind. Believing that there were tiny flakes falling all around made me feel like the holidays were real and the feeling of Christmas was in the air. 

Christmas break for me means that school is over (for now), I’m officially moved into my third apartment in less than two years, and most of my to-do list is crossed off. I will admit that the new apartment is adorable and feels like my own tiny home, but it also makes me want to be like a tv commercial. Feeling independent I want to go home to Georgia with my arms full of perfectly wrapped and thoughtful presents, wearing an adorably sophisticated scarf and winter hat combo. In this dream world I would look perfectly presentable and grown-up and have that “I’m home from my wonderfully-put-together-adult life from afar” glow of Christmas homecomings. Perhaps there would be a group hug and my brother suggesting we go caroling in there somewhere too. 

Though this is nowhere near what will really happen, I think the feeling will still be similar to that of the dream world. I will be going home in sweatpants with a small suitcase in tow, but I will be going home for Christmas. Though the presents will be small there will be the joy of being together, shopping for the perfect gifts, and doing all of our Christmas traditions. In my heart it will have the sophisticated look of that tv commercial, even if it isn’t reality, because this is my favorite time of year. Going home for Christmas will be like the snow rain I felt leaving work tonight. It didn’t matter that it wasn’t perfect snow, the rain was just as delightful because when I closed my eyes I could count my blessings. With my eyes closed it was just as beautiful as any picturesque Christmas postcard because it was the atmosphere that mattered, not the details. It was the feeling of Christmas that made me excited, and if the feeling of Christmas means I get to be with those I love most in just a few short days then I am one happy traveler, even without the adorable hat-scarf combo. 

Simply being home with family and friends is all I really need. 

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