It was the first time in a long time that I had felt it. It was the all-encompassing, overwhelming understanding of what Jesus had actually done for me. It was the incredible energy and gratefulness for what my life was, fully knowing that my whole life, every minute part of it, was all because of the goodness of God. It was overpowering. It was beautiful. It was the greatest peace and joy I have ever known.
Such common words but my goodness the way they seeped into my soul! I could feel it so deeply. It wasn’t the all-too-common head knowledge that Jesus washed me white as snow. It was the song of my spirit, crying out to God in utter thankfulness. It has been so long since I have truly comprehended the magnitude of God, His goodness, His presence in my life. Perhaps 10 years have passed, of ups and downs and a struggle to regain the faith of my youth. And the past two years have been full of questioning, of doubt, of a lack of understanding as to God’s goodness in suffering.
And here I was, surrounded by believers and the church, the music welling up in my being, finally realizing the truth.
What incredible joy that thought brought me! Being in eternity, in front of Christ, is usually a point of anxiety for me. I can’t comprehend the infinite nature and the reality of eternity. But last night I soared to the heavens, so thrilled with the anticipation of getting to actually be in the presence of Jesus, for as long as forever.
What a prayer! What a desire! What an intense need. Lord consume my life and change me.
It is almost a year to the day that I, for the only time in my life, denied the existence of God upon hearing of the death of a beautiful girl named Julia Tarter. One year ago today I was broken and saddened beyond belief. I was at a complete and utter loss at how to see or feel God in the midst of a completely broken and unfair world.
But in His goodness He brought me to a mountain, to a place where I could escape Him no longer. And I think there is no coincidence that exactly one year later I can say with the greatest of confidence that despite the brokenness surrounding us, God is so full of goodness and His presence is so strong. He has redeemed my life. He has had patience in my questionings. And He has brought me to see Him so clearly through the struggles.
Praise Him, from whom all blessings flow. To Him be the glory, the honor, and the power, forever and ever amen.
26 Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. 27 But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 28 God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, 29 so that no one may boast before him. 30 It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. 31 Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.”
1 Corinthians 1: 26-31