Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Unceasing Brokenness

Brokenness and pain. Does it ever get easier to handle? Less impacting on the heart, the soul, the mind? Will it ever become a part of this life that doesn't tear at my emotions, causing a depth of sorrow that cannot be cured?

In my line of work brokenness is the day-to-day normal routine. As I have expanded my vision here in the White Mountains, I have simply increased the types of brokenness to which I am exposed. Instead of just working with abuse, neglect, and poverty, I am now seeing what happens when that brokenness from childhood goes unhealed. And it will break your heart even more than it has already been broken. 

A new facet of my ministry is in the world of drug addiction, a world I previously knew nothing about. As I get to know people in all stages of addiction, and as I read from those who have lived in this world so much longer than I, my heart swells with frustration that such depth of pain exists.

You can see the pain in the eyes of the addict. It isn't just the pain of a moment or one broken relationship. It is a pain that has become a part of them. The pain and disappointment defines them. To be rid of the pain is the greatest goal, but what are you without the pain that has defined your life? How do you live a life without that which you have become so accustomed to?

Drug addiction isn't just about making stupid choices. It is about trying to escape. What are they escaping? For a lot of people I have talked to it is past child abuse. I begin to tear up as I write this because it is so wrong and so not ok. Child abuse, especially sexual abuse, terrorizes these adults as they cling to anything that makes them not remember, not have the nightmares or the reminder of what happened to them.

What happened to them was wrong. And there has been no healing.

The question then arises, "Where was God??" "How could He let that happen to a little girl or little boy?" They ask with a frantic need for an answer, a need for some new truth to hold on to. 

But I don't have the answer. I can't fix a world so broken beyond repair.

But here is what I can do. Here is the one response I am capable of living out in response to their question.

I can show them where God is now

God holding them tight as they try to overcome their addiction. God surrounding them with people who will love them unconditionally, with no judgement for where they have been or what they have done. God giving them the strength and the ability to sleep through the night without nightmares, to say no to old friends and habits, to hold on when it gets hard.

And I can be a part of the new family, the new relationships, the ones that don't manipulate, lie, steal, or take advantage. And this new family can be the start of a new chapter, one with so much light after so much darkness. 

And it is in that love and support that I, at least, find my answers. 

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