Revealing Grace

Last night I had my very  first-of-all-time  softball game. That's right. I am a bonafide member of an actual sports team where I wear a legit jersey and own a glove and do sportsy things like run and put forth effort. I know, I know, those of you who know me well are probably both surprised and a little bit worried. I've never been the athletic one in the family, but by golly I am 27 years old and determined to be a valuable member of this team! So after a lot of practicing with my imaginary bat I was ready to not fail at this new athletic endeavor.  I had been to two practices, done my batting practice, and 10 minutes before the game started I had finally asked someone how you catch a ball with the beautifully brand-new and un-used softball glove on my right hand. And then my moment came. I was up to bat. I had anticipated this moment for days. Elbow up, knees bent, eye on the ball (whatever that means), swing straight and swing hard, DON'T MISS. I bet I look p...

I was talking to a friend of mine at the church picnic this past weekend when we looks at me and says out of the blue, "You know, I love your husband." Said husband was at that time on a little walk around the park with another guy we know and I immediately agreed with a whole-hearted, "Well, thank you! I do too! I am so glad to hear that!" As we continued to talk I could see that this guy had a deep respect for Cameron, as well as a joy for when he is around (I don't tell Cameron to his face so he won't get cocky, but he always makes all of us laugh. He is simply a fun guy to be around). It really seemed to be a continuation of a theme that had been appearing a lot recently. I had noticed it when I went to softball practice the other day too (that's right, I joined the church softball team. I'm a boss.) Everyone happily greeted me and almost immediately said, "Where is Cameron?" People like to be around the guy, and that makes me happy...

This past week I spent a lot of time in canyons (a simultaneously beautiful and frightening experience) thinking about life and God and everything in between. It seems that this is always the case with nature- it enables me to leave the chaos of life behind and breathe more deeply, to think more clearly. So it was as my parents and I were hiking to the bottom of Canyon De'Chelly in Navajo nation that we began contemplating what this beautiful canyon revealed to us about God.  For my mother, she reveled in Psalm 8:3-4. She was amazed that the God who created the universe and the canyons still cared to be mindful of her. A God so big still cared about someone so seemingly small. My father was amazed by God's creativity. The way that the water had eroded the rocks into works of art was incredible. As we got deeper into the canyon the type of rocks and their patterns would change and there were trees growing out of complete rock. At the bottom of the canyon there was a beau...

When I was a kid I wasn't allowed to watch the Titanic movie.  It wasn't because of the love story or the painting scene, it was because my mom knew that after watching it I would have cried for days. As a child I could never get over the fact that they didn't put more people in those lifeboats, and even 75+ years after it happened I still felt the pain as if it had just occurred yesterday and those people on the ship were my family. It was the same thing with the Holocaust museum, the evening news, and movies without happy endings. As a child all the way into being an adult, I felt the pain of others' sorrow with my entire being. I was sheltered because the depth of the sadness would have overwhelmed my tiny soul and I simply could not handle it. As an adult I am able to handle things much better, but I suppose old habits die hard because the other day this happened: It was just a normal night at the Agan household and I was watching a tv show called The 100 ...

As a kid I always loved when my mom made homemade chocolate chip cookies. I have distinct memories of rushing to the kitchen, the warm cookies sitting on wax paper, my mom by the oven as we scooped up as many as we could handle (or were allowed). By the end of the night you had eaten at least nine, but only admitted to five, and the whole house was happy. I think a lot about what I have brought with me from that childhood home, what traits and examples I have grown into. Marriage brings to light a lot of the flaws and beauties that we learned through life and family, and it can certainly be both joyous and annoying. Cameron and I grew up so differently and we fight into and against all that we learned before we met each other. We strive to be the best versions of ourselves, and so much of what we know we have brought with us from our youth. As I reflect on my own childhood I am moved toward thinking of my girls, the sweet teenage girls who are having children of their own this sea...

Today we are going to talk about marriage since, you know, I have a month and a half of wisdom going on over here in Show Low, Arizona and I know you are dying to hear it. Just call me the wise woman of the forest. Anyways. . . In the weeks surrounding our wedding a lot of people wanted to give us some advice. It generally fell into two camps, either "marriage is going to be really hard" or "marriage is awesome!" We definitely appreciated the honesty of camp one but preferred camp two. As we moved forward through our wedding and began life together you would be amazed at how many people began to tell us that our happiness won't last. People would ask how it was going and we would respond honestly with answers like, "Marriage is great! It's so much fun and we simply love getting to do life together!" 4 out of 5 people responded with, "It won't last." No joke. This was a slightly frustrating response. And here is why (alth...

Brokenness and pain. Does it ever get easier to handle? Less impacting on the heart, the soul, the mind? Will it ever become a part of this life that doesn't tear at my emotions, causing a depth of sorrow that cannot be cured? In my line of work brokenness is the day-to-day normal routine. As I have expanded my vision here in the White Mountains, I have simply increased the types of brokenness to which I am exposed. Instead of just working with abuse, neglect, and poverty, I am now seeing what happens when that brokenness from childhood goes unhealed. And it will break your heart even more than it has already been broken.  A new facet of my ministry is in the world of drug addiction, a world I previously knew nothing about. As I get to know people in all stages of addiction, and as I read from those who have lived in this world so much longer than I, my heart swells with frustration that such depth of pain exists. You can see the pain in the eyes of the addict. It isn'...