Friday, May 9, 2014

Finding Peace in Dysfunction

I'm home. . .sprawled out on the couch at my parents' house, planning on visiting my alma mater Georgia College this afternoon, and I am thrilled.

Actually, more than thrilled, I am at peace.

My work, which I love with all my heart, is rather dysfunctional. Nothing is predictable. Nothing is simple. The issues are intense and the problems are serious. But that dysfunction is my normal. So seeing as I don't burst into tears all that often anymore, and I don't have terrific mood swings, I figured that my work wasn't really having a negative impact on me. I figured that my life was normal.

But then I got home. And my parent's house was so clean and functional. And my dad made the same obnoxious comment that he has made literally every time I get off a plane for the last 5 years ("So. . .does everyone where you live say 'like' so much?"). And there were no worries of bedbugs or hair-bugs. And it was
so quiet
and peaceful,
I was removed from my isolated world on the mountain and all of a sudden I felt something:
A lightness of being. 
Peace. Calm.

I hadn't realized that being constantly surrounded with dysfunction is a pressure that encloses one in and leaves a residue of stress that never quite goes away. I hadn't realized how important family is. Sure, I love my little makeshift family that is my team, but there is something about a home, a mom and dad, structure and predictability. I hadn't realized that my world was full of dysfunction and stress, and I had had no idea that being home would be exactly what I needed.

I almost cried when my best friend knocked on the door.

Because isolation, tragedy, teenagers and trauma, all weigh one down. Until the door opens and you are standing in the home your family has built a life upon. And the world makes just a little more sense. And the peace overwhelms your soul as you thank God for knowing just what you need, even when you weren't able to see it yourself. 

No comments:

Post a Comment