Life as an Open Road
(conversation with student during tutoring/reading time at the Kennel)
"Hey Meredith. . . "
"Yes?"
"Do you think that life is like an open road? . . .because that is what this magazine is telling me."
____________________________
The other night my best friend called me with some spectacularly good news. I cried. It was that good. When we hung up the phone I cried again, but this was a mix of happy and quite very much sad tears as well. Here was one of the happiest moments of my friend's life and I was thousands of miles away from her.
I never imagined that I would stay out West when I moved here three years ago. The only thing I knew was that I was following God's call and I would take whatever He gave me. But I was perhaps not prepared for what it meant that I would lose. Living on this mountain in Arizona my life is rather small. I have lost most of my friends from college simply because of distance, both on a map and in our ways of life. For the 2-3 friends I do still keep in touch with there are great challenges. As my friends begin their lives with boyfriends and husbands and children I miss it all. Our lives are busy and keeping in touch takes effort. I am far from my family and my daily life consists of my job and my four local friends. Phone conversations are always a blessing, but the sense of loss hit me hard that night.
I realized that I have had to give up family, friends, and relationships in order to serve God on this mountain in Arizona. I was struck with an overwhelming loneliness as all of this loss fell onto my head with one phone call.
So as I sat there, praying and questioning and listening, I had to ask myself: Is it worth it? Has it been worth it to leave everyone and everything to live in a small town and work with a bunch of teenagers and not know what the future holds? Above all else I want a family of my own. A husband, children . . . is it worth it if that never comes? If my children are these reservation kids and my life continues as it is now. . .
. . .is it all worth it?
The answer, I will admit, does not come easy. I so badly want to hold on to these things of comfort, these memories of the past and dreams of the future. But I look to the heavens and I know the truth. I know that this life is temporary and that my only desire is to know God more and make Him known. I still struggle with the balance of working with these students and giving up my own future dreams, but I know that God will guide my path and calm my heart. I know that in the end, I would give up anything, no matter how painful, in order to serve my God. Sure, there will be tears along the way, and some days will be way harder than others, but in the end it will be worth the loss.
So is all worth it?
Yes. Yes it is.
___________________
"Yea Nick, I think I do believe that life is an open road."
"It says here, 'there is something new around every turn.'"
"Hey Meredith. . . "
"Yes?"
"Do you think that life is like an open road? . . .because that is what this magazine is telling me."
____________________________
The other night my best friend called me with some spectacularly good news. I cried. It was that good. When we hung up the phone I cried again, but this was a mix of happy and quite very much sad tears as well. Here was one of the happiest moments of my friend's life and I was thousands of miles away from her.
I never imagined that I would stay out West when I moved here three years ago. The only thing I knew was that I was following God's call and I would take whatever He gave me. But I was perhaps not prepared for what it meant that I would lose. Living on this mountain in Arizona my life is rather small. I have lost most of my friends from college simply because of distance, both on a map and in our ways of life. For the 2-3 friends I do still keep in touch with there are great challenges. As my friends begin their lives with boyfriends and husbands and children I miss it all. Our lives are busy and keeping in touch takes effort. I am far from my family and my daily life consists of my job and my four local friends. Phone conversations are always a blessing, but the sense of loss hit me hard that night.
I realized that I have had to give up family, friends, and relationships in order to serve God on this mountain in Arizona. I was struck with an overwhelming loneliness as all of this loss fell onto my head with one phone call.
So as I sat there, praying and questioning and listening, I had to ask myself: Is it worth it? Has it been worth it to leave everyone and everything to live in a small town and work with a bunch of teenagers and not know what the future holds? Above all else I want a family of my own. A husband, children . . . is it worth it if that never comes? If my children are these reservation kids and my life continues as it is now. . .
. . .is it all worth it?
The answer, I will admit, does not come easy. I so badly want to hold on to these things of comfort, these memories of the past and dreams of the future. But I look to the heavens and I know the truth. I know that this life is temporary and that my only desire is to know God more and make Him known. I still struggle with the balance of working with these students and giving up my own future dreams, but I know that God will guide my path and calm my heart. I know that in the end, I would give up anything, no matter how painful, in order to serve my God. Sure, there will be tears along the way, and some days will be way harder than others, but in the end it will be worth the loss.
So is all worth it?
Yes. Yes it is.
___________________
"Yea Nick, I think I do believe that life is an open road."
"It says here, 'there is something new around every turn.'"
Meridith, As I read your blog I choked up and could have joined you with tears for so many of the same reasons. I have re-evaluated my walk and serving many times on this Journey with God, on this Road less traveled. I too have ached for family, to be with my kids, to have a nice home and to meet someone special to finish this journey together with. I cried many times as I left Flagstaff to return to, what seemed like, the "back side of the desert" in Hopi. I've been on reservations for almost ten years now. Can God bring someone 'to' you? Yes, He can and He will if and when that is His plan for you. Lonely, yes, many times. Cry, yes, many times. Not know the future, yes, many times. But....when the time was right, the Father was always faithful to make the next move clear. Sometimes its the enemy that is attempting to cause us to abort our assignment. Other times it is our own personal hearts desires.We can not forget the promise of God, that if we continue to delight ourselves in Him (seeking and serving) He 'will' give us the desires of our hearts. You 'are' making an eternal difference here and now for yourself as well as for these kids. "The joy of the Lord is our strength".
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