Pie and Postponement

Last night my friend made me a pie. An apple pie.

I literally did a little dance of joy when it came out of the oven.

It wasn't what we thought we would be doing this weekend- eating pie and going to the State Fair. We thought we would be managing my naps and feeding me toast after another chemo, but my body decided it wasn't quite ready for that.

Cancer treatment is certainly full of ups and downs. 

You finally get your mind wrapped around how to balance work, chemo treatment, side effects, a dog, and remembering to shower and eat real food, and then a curve ball gets thrown in and everything seems to fly into chaos and confusion.

This happened on Thursday when they told me that my white blood cell count was too low to do chemo on schedule this week. 

Talk about a build up to a big let down. 

I went from the appointment (in tears) to the airport to pick up my friend who had left 4 of her 6 kids to take care of me and I was flustered to say the least.

I felt bad that she might not get to go to an appointment with me, I felt mad that I was now going to have to miss work to get chemo treatments done, I felt overwhelmed with all of the new information in my head. Though in reality it isn't the end of the world, in the midst of all I am trying to balance it felt completely unmanageable.

But then my friend made me a pie.

She laid down a slice of happiness and reminded me that God has taken care of me this far and we can trust Him to do what is best for me when it comes to my treatment. She and her daughters brought warmth, friendship, and joy to my tired and stressed out home. She put my pieces back together and helped me prepare for whatever is to come.

So, tomorrow morning I go into the cancer center again, this time with Morgan by my side. 

We will get my blood drawn and go down to the chemo floor to wait. We will wait and perhaps they will tell me that my levels have risen and I will walk to the chemo chair. Perhaps they will tell me my body still isn't ready and we will go back home.

What will happen tomorrow is uncertain and that means my anxiety is high. I cannot control what happens. I cannot make a perfect plan.

But I have to believe that no matter what, everything is going to be ok. After all, you can handle anything if you have pie.


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