Revealing Grace

I’ve lived my whole life being called “Mom Meredith.” It probably started when I was three and my brother was born. From the moment I held that little baby I decided I was in charge of taking care of everyone. I used to play a game with him in the bathtub where I was the mom and he was my “baby boy hippo.” I never said I was normal.  Through the years the “mom” nature never left. In college my friends in the dorm started calling me mom, much to my own mother’s dismay. I reassured her that it was an endearing term and people meant it out of love, whether that was actually true or not. I just cared for people a lot. And I liked rules. So I thought other people should too.  It was this innate tendency that I couldn’t rid myself of, even if I had wanted to. I was always the nurturer, the bossy one, the rule enforcer, the listener, and the let’s-eat-chocolate-to-make-it-all-better kind of friend.  It was at 25 where I realized that all my practice (whether ...

This weekend we took apart our Little Bluebird Retail Store, a vital part of AYM's ministry.  The tribal council came on Friday and told us we had to be out by Monday because they wanted the building for their own purpose. The building is owned by the tribe so as their property it is also their right to use it, but it was still disappointing. It seemed not to matter that we had a business there, that we had renovated the building, or that we employed tribal members. What they wanted they got, without much concern for who it harmed along the way. It reminded us of the stark reality of working on the rez, that we are outsiders, and no matter the good we provide we could always be seen as temporary. So we all gathered together on Sunday and started the move out, bundled in coats and scarves and an impromptu dance move or two to try and lift our spirits. It was as we were loading the shelving into the big green bus that a homeless man walked over from the neighboring food ministry tha...

I spent last weekend cocooned within the comforts of a Maryland farmhouse. It was a restoration for my soul and I slept beneath the covers with complete peace of mind at the end of each lovely day. The days were filled with comfort food and long drives through the rolling hills of the Northeast as  I began to breathe out the stress and breathe in the peace of God . It was a beautiful time of reconnecting with the quiet parts of my soul and the carefree fun that is getting lost with a good friend as I escaped the day to day of my normal life and entered into a world so far from my usual. The brilliant changing colors of Fall and the comforting embrace of farmland lay out before me and I was sublimely happy spending the days exploring new towns, walking in the cold air, and conversing with lovely people. It was a dream of a trip and I woke up each morning feeling entirely blessed for having the chance to escape to the farm. What made it even more lovely was that I had been there...

There were a few days this week that didn't start out so well. Cranky, worried, whatever, I got out of bed and was mad at the world. But in typical Meredith fashion, by the afternoon everything was fine. Seated with my students quietly reading books, trying out yoga with them in the backyard, picking apples together, each day ended with a sigh of exhaustion and happiness. As always, by the end of the day I was thrilled with the greatness of my life. But most great writers write in the midst of emotion. When the world seems to be crashing down or the problems seem their greatest, that is when a writer sits down and lets it all pour out onto paper (or virtual paper in the blog world). That is what is interesting to read and what people can relate to. And it isn't the norm or even the majority, but simply the processing and the healing that comes when emotions become words and thoughts become paragraphs. So sometimes I write in the mornings when life doesn't seem so great...

Guys. Winter is coming!! Here in Pinetop we are having an absolutely beautiful fall season, full with color and breeze and light jackets and loveliness. But when the sun dips below the horizon and the air gets chilled, I can feel that winter is on its way. I know I shouldn't be excited. I know that the snow will last from November to April and I might maybe may get tired of it all by the end, but for now I embrace the coming change in season with anticipation and a good pair of boots. I may have even put the Christmas moose on the mantel a little early because I just can't wait (yes, the Christmas moose is a real thing). One thing wonderful about Pinetop, Arizona is the anticipation of each new season. I love living in a place with actual seasons. Each one has its own beauty and its own appeal, but we never stay in one for long. When I look back at my year here in Arizona I feel like I can separate the changes in my life by the seasons (and man, has this year changed a lot...

What a great Fall Break last week. My brother, the one and only, came to town. And it was glorious. Back when we were little kids my brother and I shared bunk beds for a year. We were both scared of the dark and the solution was solidarity. I remember that year fondly. We would go to sleep talking together until Ryan would say, "Shhh, I need to pray." And he would fall asleep praying his long and all-important prayers. Needless to say, he and I have always been close. So this past week, as grown-ups, we revisited our childhood. For the week Ryan slept on the floor in my room and we would spend each night catching up on years of missed-out togetherness. We would chat about my life and his, give each other advice, share our perspectives on any number of topics, and laugh until sleep overtook us. We may be in our twenties, but we still enjoy a good late night chat. Having my brother here made this one of the greatest weeks of my year. Seeing as I have lived across the cou...

(conversation with student during tutoring/reading time at the Kennel) "Hey Meredith. . . " "Yes?" "Do you think that life is like an open road? . . .because that is what this magazine is telling me." ____________________________ The other night my best friend called me with some spectacularly good news. I cried. It was that good. When we hung up the phone I cried again, but this was a mix of happy and quite very much sad tears as well. Here was one of the happiest moments of my friend's life and I was thousands of miles away from her. I never imagined that I would stay out West when I moved here three years ago. The only thing I knew was that I was following God's call and I would take whatever He gave me. But I was perhaps not prepared for what it meant that I would lose. Living on this mountain in Arizona my life is rather small. I have lost most of my friends from college simply because of distance, both on a map and in our ways of...