The Santa Ana Winds

*I would like to thank the movie The Holiday for being the only reason I knew what the Santa Ana winds were. I honor you with this post.*

As I lay here in my bed, in my matchbox apartment, the Santa Ana winds rage outside my window. The sound is like thunder and the trees are swaying very precariously. Sirens continue to wail through the streets and the streets themselves are completely littered with debris. These are the most powerful winds I have ever experienced. Part of me wants to go outside and get lost in the winds, to feel the strong breeze whip across my whole self, but of course I know that would be dangerous, so I don't. These winds just seem like they can make you feel alive, like you are a part of something bigger. They are majestic in their ferocious power and to me, they are amazing.

But as I lay here in my bed, in my matchbox apartment, I know that there are hundreds in the Los Angeles area that are homeless and have no shelter from the winds. As I admire the wind's power, they fear the destruction. The sirens are not a distant sound for them, they are a harsh reality. This is a wind storm like I have never seen, but I am safe and many are not. I thank God that I can make the decision to stay inside, but I pray and I pray that He will protect those who are not as fortunate as me tonight.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Endings and Beginnings

 I've had a lot of endings that are also beginnings.  In fact, I've lived in Jeff's house for 3.5 years and that's the longest I've lived in a single home since I left Virginia at the age of 16. For over half of my life I have been without roots. I've lived in 9 homes in the last 12 years. That is absurd.  And the truth is, I don't want to be rootless anymore. I want to settle in, build something I am proud of, and never have to pack another moving box in my life. This restless, wandering soul wants to plant my feet on the same ground for more years than I can count and raise my daughter like I was raised in Virginia- with lasting friends and mother-daughter book clubs and people you grow up with. I haven't had a single place I've felt was truly my home since I left Richmond as a teenager, and I am ready to change that.  So in one week, we move to Tennessee. It is a place where a lot of our dreams lie. It is where Jeff will continue a career that he
Read more

Faith Within Suffering

 I didn't talk about God for a while.  When I was younger, I never stopped. My oldest friend and I laughed last weekend about how I would pray for her to attend church when we were kids and tell her about my prayers. When I was in college, it was my purpose. On the reservation it was my profession.  When the waves of suffering hit, I still professed God's goodness for a while, but eventually it became too much. The waves kept knocking me down every time I tried to get up. I was sick in a cancer ward. My relationship with church completely upended. My marriage destroyed.  I stopped talking about my God because I couldn't make sense of my suffering or anyone else's pain. I didn't have any of my youthful certainty. I just had a whole bunch of questions and a whole lot of anger.  Until life got better. Until I got perspective. Until I stood in the snow among the Tetons and said to the wind, "Ok, God, I'm ready. Let's do this again. I'm with you." 
Read more

Five Years After the Divorce

Image
It has been five years, this December, since a judge declared my marriage officially over. It was the culmination of the worst season of my whole life. It was the end of something I had believed was forever. It was a season of bitter tears, struggles with depression and thoughts of suicide, and complete and utter hopelessness. Everything I had believed in had been shattered and in the end, I hadn't been chosen by the one who I chose to marry. I believed the false narrative that I hadn't been good enough, strong enough, or healthy enough. I was certain happiness would never find me again.  Over the next five years, I had to rediscover myself. I had to relearn my strength, my worth, my value. I had to heal from what had happened. I had to be angry and learn how to let that anger go. I lost my relationship with church and grew new relationships with a team of doctors when I got a cancer diagnosis just four months after my divorce was finalized. I had to figure out who God was, who
Read more