Saturday, March 24, 2012

Following in Peter's Unfaithful Footsteps

Today I ran out of money. Ok, I didn't totally run out of money but I did the whole look-at-all-my-expenses -for-the-next-quarter-thing and thus realized that I will not actually have the money to cover the rent and the school and the food for the next ten weeks. A total bummer. 

There was actually never a moment where I considered giving up food to save money, so maybe I was not as desperate as I felt, but I did freak out for a solid fifteen minutes. As I called my parents with tears in my eyes, I felt like a fool. How did I end up with no money? Shouldn't I have planned better for this? I should have definitely skipped all the froyo I have eaten in the past six months. I am not the kind of person who calls my parents for a loan as big as the one I just asked for. I don't think I have ever even asked my parents for twenty dollars! I felt like I had come to an all new low. 

Its some tough loving that pulls you up when you feel so low. After applying for some more babysitting jobs, praying to the good Lord for His guidance, and a pep talk from my new roomie, I realized that I have to have new perspective. God is the one who told me to come out here, I know that for a fact. Yes, it may have been easier if I worked for a year and then came, but that is not what He told me to do. I can look back on my whole life and I can see that He has never once let me down or left me for dead. If He promises to take care of me, why am I faltering to believe that?

I realize that I have a lot in common with Peter. I can picture him walking on the water towards Jesus. His eyes are firmly fixed on Jesus as he steps out of the boat and begins to walk. Yet slowly his eyes start shifting. He sees the waves that can overcome him and he gets the nervous feeling in the pit of his stomach. He begins to lose focus as he forgets why he got out of the boat in the first place. He forgets the One he is walking towards and he begins to sink. He sinks into what he sees as the problems that will overcome him. But even with his lack of faith, Jesus does not leave him to die. He pulls Peter back, commands his focus, and gives him grace. 

Funny that the name of this blog is grace. I guess God knew when I started it that I would be needing to realize a lot of His grace in my life. Fifteen minutes ago I was sinking, believing that the waves of my financial burden were going to sweep over me. But He reached out. He commanded that I look into His eyes and the waves of mercy, grace and love that sweep across them. He has commanded that I trust Him, because He is the one who let me get out of the boat in the first place. 

And thus, I am left with peace. A new budget plan? Yes. But also a knowledge that my Father will never cease to take care of me. 

1 comment:

  1. neither your heavenly father nor your earthly on will ever cease to care for you