Friday, November 4, 2011

God, where the heck do You need me?

I thought I had everything figured out. I thought I did, but apparently not. I was going to be used by God to change the world. Eradicate poverty? Done! Spread the Gospel? You got it! My heart ached for those hurting around the world and I felt strongly that I needed God to use me to stop the hurt. But now? Now I have no idea what God wants of me. Don't worry, God and I are still tight. We chat, He speaks, I listen with my nose scrunched up 'cause I don't really get the big picture, yea we are tight, but man! Figuring out my part in His mission is tough! How can I possibly understand God's mission for the world??? I'm just a little human being! And now I am a  little perplexed one.

You see, I had in my head that I was going to go overseas. I was going to help the poor and spread the good news of Jesus Christ and all that good stuff. But then I started studying missions and now I'm starting to think that maybe I am not needed out there. I'm tall, blond, and American, there is no getting rid of that. Would this be a barrier to my witness? I may not be like all the others that look like me, but how do I change that perception? And to be honest, I think the local people on the ground have this thing covered. I don't think they need me. But I want to be needed. I want to feed starving children and help release families from the effects of poverty. But maybe...maybe...that is not where God needs me.

Do not get me wrong here. I am in no way saying that we should not be focused on missions. There are many ways we can get involved to help relieve poverty around the world and I firmly believe that as Christians we are called to do this. I am simply talking about me and God and what He wants to do with me.

So tonight I heard these beautiful stories of the Holy Spirit working to transform the lives of fellow students. I heard beautiful testimonies of God directing them to His calling. And I know, I just know, that God will direct me too. Yes, dagnabit this stinks! It stinks because I don't want to lose my passion for the redemption of the world and I want to be an awesome missionary that brings healing! But that is not my job, that is GOD'S job. I need to start listening. I need to start trusting. I need to start being moved by God and His love for all people and go where He wants to use my gifts.

This is going to be a journey. It always is. But I need this time to reevaluate. I need to pray and I need to keep learning. (And I need to go talk with my professor and tell him that he has confused the heck out of me about my role in this world!) But also, I want to challenge you.

Be still before the Lord and ask, Am I going in the direction that You want me to go? It might be time to reevaluate how you are participating in God's mission on this earth. It might be time to do some learning about the changing world and our role as Christians in that. I promise you, there are needs all around you. Find them. Be God's tools to show His love. Let's be men and women of action.

And let's eat an ice cream sandwich while we figure this out.  Discerning God's sovereign plan is always easier with ice cream, right? 

1 comment:

  1. ...oh do not have to change the world...Jesus has pretty much got that just have to change your own little piece of it...and i can tell that you have already begun to do that...and where that piece of the world is will be wherever meredith is dear one...are indeed a witness for Him...and to us...i know what you mean about being is just so hard to do...i am still trying to manage it...don't be worried or dismayed...God has His hand on you...and your path picked have an obedient heart...and that means you are tuned in to the right frequency to receive His messages perfectly...(i think perhaps you are becoming famous...or really really grown up...or both...when i saw your mom and dad today...i did not think "oh there is stephen my pastor and bethanne the lady with the great laugh"...i thought "oh there are the parents of meredith carpenter...the one who writes that great blog...and the one who is ALREADY doing great things for our Lord"...i love you elaine/ ccww