Joy- It's Greater Than Happiness

There are things I cannot express to you in words. It is so much bigger than mere words, this thing that I am feeling. Its called joy. 
Joy. mmm, joy. 
More than happiness, so much more. You know how I know that this is different? Because my life isn't peachy. Not every day is a good day. I have bad days and moments. I am sad and sometimes I am homesick. I'm grumpy! But this thing, this joy, it pervades all of this. Its bigger than just being happy. 
Joy. 
It comes from God. My loving Savior. It comes from my walks with Him through the garden. It comes from my family. It comes from my bigger family! In Virginia, Georgia, California, Spain, India, my family that loves me! It overcomes sadness and hardship and frustration. It is this feeling that even in the midst of the lows, that everything will be fine. This reassurance in my soul that I have no need for worry. My life is bigger than the ups and downs of this world. My life perspective is eternal.
 I have joy. 
Deep down in the depths of my soul I am free and I am in love. With my Savior, with His grace and mercy, with the undeserved blessings. I am in love with the ups AND the downs because my God reigns. My God reigns and my God loves me. Oh I know, I write about this all the time. But it is because I can never get over it. GOD loves me. 
GOD. 
Do you get this? GOD LOVES US. What? Me? No, no way, I mess up way too much. HE LOVES YOU. Me? Noo, I walked away from Him a long time ago. HE LOVES YOU. Me, no way, I have disobeyed Him too many times. HE LOVES YOU. 
And HE brings joy. 

"Now sings my soul my Savior God to thee, how great thou art! How great thou art!"

Joy, it's kind of wonderful.

Comments

  1. laneyNovember 7, 2011 at 3:23 AM

    ...indeed...and do you know what gives your parents joy..."i have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in the Truth"...3rd john 3...this mama heart knows that for sure...whatever you do meredith...wherever you go for your Lord...take that joy with you...and never stop writing about it...your writing is a special gift...one that can witness just as loudly(or softly...if need be)as actions and deeds...just look at how God used the writtten Word...have a wonderful day...i love you elaine/ccww

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Endings and Beginnings

 I've had a lot of endings that are also beginnings.  In fact, I've lived in Jeff's house for 3.5 years and that's the longest I've lived in a single home since I left Virginia at the age of 16. For over half of my life I have been without roots. I've lived in 9 homes in the last 12 years. That is absurd.  And the truth is, I don't want to be rootless anymore. I want to settle in, build something I am proud of, and never have to pack another moving box in my life. This restless, wandering soul wants to plant my feet on the same ground for more years than I can count and raise my daughter like I was raised in Virginia- with lasting friends and mother-daughter book clubs and people you grow up with. I haven't had a single place I've felt was truly my home since I left Richmond as a teenager, and I am ready to change that.  So in one week, we move to Tennessee. It is a place where a lot of our dreams lie. It is where Jeff will continue a career that he
Read more

Faith Within Suffering

 I didn't talk about God for a while.  When I was younger, I never stopped. My oldest friend and I laughed last weekend about how I would pray for her to attend church when we were kids and tell her about my prayers. When I was in college, it was my purpose. On the reservation it was my profession.  When the waves of suffering hit, I still professed God's goodness for a while, but eventually it became too much. The waves kept knocking me down every time I tried to get up. I was sick in a cancer ward. My relationship with church completely upended. My marriage destroyed.  I stopped talking about my God because I couldn't make sense of my suffering or anyone else's pain. I didn't have any of my youthful certainty. I just had a whole bunch of questions and a whole lot of anger.  Until life got better. Until I got perspective. Until I stood in the snow among the Tetons and said to the wind, "Ok, God, I'm ready. Let's do this again. I'm with you." 
Read more

Five Years After the Divorce

Image
It has been five years, this December, since a judge declared my marriage officially over. It was the culmination of the worst season of my whole life. It was the end of something I had believed was forever. It was a season of bitter tears, struggles with depression and thoughts of suicide, and complete and utter hopelessness. Everything I had believed in had been shattered and in the end, I hadn't been chosen by the one who I chose to marry. I believed the false narrative that I hadn't been good enough, strong enough, or healthy enough. I was certain happiness would never find me again.  Over the next five years, I had to rediscover myself. I had to relearn my strength, my worth, my value. I had to heal from what had happened. I had to be angry and learn how to let that anger go. I lost my relationship with church and grew new relationships with a team of doctors when I got a cancer diagnosis just four months after my divorce was finalized. I had to figure out who God was, who
Read more