Thursday, May 3, 2012

Waiting and A Hypothetical Dog

Sometimes I feel like I am just waiting for my life to begin. In college everything is about the moment, the four years, the fun and the adventure, and then you leave. And life is supposed to begin, real life, grownup life. Things are supposed to move forward. Its in all the books. People leave college, they fall in love, they get real jobs, they buy a house with a yard and a dog named Fido, or something like that. College ends and real life is supposed to begin. But here I sit, one year later, writing a paper (or not) in my apartment, living on money borrowed from the government and my job as a nanny, and I feel like all I am doing is waiting. I know all those things are around the corner. I know that eventually I will fall in love and buy a house and start life, but until that happens I just have to wait, because I don't have any idea when those things will happen. And I can fill this time of waiting with different things, but the waiting still is.

So you can tell me that this is life. You can tell me that I am living life. That moving to Pasadena, pursuing a graduate degree, making new friends is life and I need to quit waiting and just start enjoying. But if I am honest, I probably won't believe you. I will probably tell you that I am going to start living in the moment and stop waiting for my real life to begin, but I will still sit, writing a paper, wondering when the next adventures are going to start. Waiting for God to open the doors and the feeling to rush over me, the feeling of knowing that this is it. 


But maybe, maybe when that comes, I will wish for the days when I had time to sit around dreaming about adventures and a dog named Fido. Maybe the grass is not always greener on the other side and maybe this is life. Maybe the waiting makes the finding more beautiful.

And maybe I need to quit complaining.



2 comments:

  1. I saw a quote today that something like- one day you will look back at the little things and realize they were the big things.

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    1. oh and if you get a dog some day you should name him hypothetical or perhaps rhetorical

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